


Where I Belong

by kelex



Category: The Sentinel
Genre: Angst, Episode Related, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-10
Updated: 2013-05-10
Packaged: 2017-12-11 07:15:58
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,080
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/795338
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kelex/pseuds/kelex
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After returning from Sierra Verde, Jim must fight to make right the mistakes he made with Blair.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Where I Belong

## Where I Belong

by Kel

Author's website:  <http://crystalshard24.tripod.com/sentinelindex.html>

The characters do not belong to me. They belong to Pet Fly Studios. I am making no money from this; I am doing it for sheer love of the characters and my own personal fulfillment.   


Thanks to my beta reader Bonnie May. And as always, for Patt and Lisa.

Possible Spoilers for the episode "Sentinel Too," *very* slight spoilers for "Night Shift."   
This story was originally posted several months ago, before I joined SXF.

* * *

Jim hadn't seemed the same since they'd come back from Sierra Verde. He was quiet and withdrawn, barely speaking to anyone. The plane ride back had been awkward at best, and Simon could see that Blair was hurting. 

As soon as they'd gotten off the plane, Jim had disappeared from the airport, leaving his luggage and everything else behind. 

"Simon... what did I do?" 

The sound of Blair's fragile voice behind him started the bearish captain. "You didn't do anything, Blair." 

"Then why is he acting like I'm suddenly more contagious than anthrax?" 

"I don't know, but I intend to find out." He looked over at the sad young man. Jim had just saved Blair's life, and Simon would have sworn that Jim was deeply and unalterably in love with the young man before him. "Maybe it's something to do with Alex." 

"Yeah, maybe." Blair jumped when he saw Jim's luggage on the baggage carousel. "I'll just go get that," he said, darting off to claim the Sentinel's bags. 

Megan walked up to Simon. "What's the deal with Sandy and Ellison? Ellison's been a bear since we left the temple and Sandy looks like he's lost his best friend." 

"He has," the captain replied with a frown. "He and Jim have been joined at the hip ever since he met the kid four years ago. Blair's been through a lot with Jim... I don't blame him for feeling lost right now." Blair approached, pulling Jim's bag and his own. 

"Hey, Sandy... how about a lift back to the apartment?" 

Blair's skin paled a shade. "I thought you... well, remember that Jim kicked me out." 

"Oh, right." Megan frowned; she'd forgotten. "Well, where are you staying?" 

"There's this little hotel... why don't we go and drop Jim's suitcase off at his apartment and then you can take me back to my motel." 

"Blair... give me the suitcase. I'll take it." Simon held out his hand. "And I'll go and kick Jim's ass for you while I'm at it," he added softly. 

"Thanks, Simon." He just really wasn't up to facing Jim back at the loft yet. Seeing him and Alex in Sierra Verde was bad enough, but even that he could forgive Jim for because it wasn't Jim... it was something inside him, some primitive instinct that he hadn't been able to control or deny. But this... this was Jim's own choice to keep him kicked out. 

Simon shook his head as he accepted the bag from the kid. "I'll find out what's going on." He put his hand on Blair's shoulder. "Conner, why don't you take him back and let him get some rest, okay?" 

"Yes, sir." Megan put her arm around Blair's shoulder. "Oh, Captain Banks?" she asked as she guided Blair towards the waiting shuttle. 

"Yes?" 

"Kick him in the bum once for me." 

"Absolutely." Simon watched as the Aussie inspector put Blair onto the shuttle and got into the vehicle beside him. "At least the kid's in good hands. Ellison, you've had this coming." 

* * *

When he got to Ellison's apartment, the door was standing ajar. "Jim?" he called out, poking his head inside. Furniture was disarrayed all over the floor and boxes... boxes were stacked from floor to ceiling. "Jim!" 

"Behind you, sir... watch out!" Simon quickly jumped to the side as Jim came in, bearing an armful of boxes. 

"Jim, what the hell is going on here?" 

"I'm rectifying a mistake, sir," Jim explained succinctly. "Do me a favor, will you, throw me that knife?" 

Simon picked up the pocketknife and tossed it to Jim, who opened the blade and proceeded to rip the boxes open. "Damn, that's not it! Simon, help me out and open those boxes... give me a yell when you find the ones that have the kid's stuff in them." 

"Ellison, I'm not going to do a goddamned thing until you stop and tell me what the hell is going on!" He stopped Jim's frantic motions with a hand to the chest. "Right now." 

"Simon, I don't have time right now. I fucked up, all right? I fucked up, I over reacted, I didn't know what my instincts were telling me, and I made the kid pay for it. I kicked him out, didn't tell him why, and got him killed. I have to get him back, Simon, I have to tell him I love him, that I can't live without him, that I can't make this Sentinel thing work without him. As soon as we got onto the airplane I started thinking and I just couldn't stop." Simon's hand dropped away, and Jim started back opening boxes. "I mean... Blair was barely out of intensive care when he hops a plane down to Sierra Verde to help me. And he acted... he acted like nothing happened, nothing was wrong." He sighed deeply. "He helped me at the Temple, he talked to me on the plane... he was so damn good to me. I couldn't stand it, not after everything that I'd put him through! As soon as we got on the ground... I went to his motel room, paid the guy at the desk, and moved Blair's stuff back here. I left a note on his bed, asking him to come home. Now, I got to get this stuff unpacked before he gets here!" 

Simon couldn't believe this. "Jim, Blair is hurting, right now! The first damn thing he asked me when he got off the plane is what did he do?" 

"He didn't do anything!" 

"Did you bother to tell him that? No, you did your typical brooding Ellison act, and tore out of there without a word to anyone! By the way, I've got something for you." He grabbed Jim by the shirt collar and slammed him up against the wall, the Sentinel's head bouncing off the bricks as his feet left the floor. "You ever hurt Blair like this again, and you'll wish this is all I do to you." He thumped Jim against the wall a second time, for Megan. "That's from Conner, for Sandy." 

Jim slapped his friend's hands down from his collar. "You made your point, Simon!" 

"If I thought it'd make a dent, I'd ram your head through the wall for the shit you're putting Sandburg through, but that would only put a hole in the bricks!" 

"I get the point, sir!" 

"No, Jim, you don't! The point is, you're treating Sandburg like shit and nobody's going to stand for it anymore! You want Blair to move back here, you go and ask him, like a civilized human being, and you damn well better apologize to him!" 

"I have to have his stuff here, sir... if I don't, he won't believe me." 

Simon sighed. That was possible. Blair was just as stubborn as Ellison was. "All right. I'll help you... this time. But next time you screw up with Blair, I'm selling pieces of your ass to the highest bidder." He took the knife back from Jim and helped him rip open the boxes. Most of it was Jim's stuff, but near the bottom boxes, he found Blair's stuff. "Jim!" 

Jim ran over to where Simon was sitting. "That's it. Thanks, sir, you're... thank you." 

Simon helped Jim carry the boxes into the spare room. "Conner's taking him back to the hotel; they left the airport the same time I did." 

"Shit," Jim said. "That means he should be getting the note any second." 

* * *

Blair used the key on his keychain to open the door. He hated this hotel, but he wouldn't tell Conner that. "Come on in... all I got is water or soda, but they should be... cold." He slid the key into his pocket as he looked around. "What... happened to all my stuff?" 

Megan was the first to see the note on the left bed. "That your bed, Sandy?" she asked, pointing. 

"Yeah, I can't stand the one by the door." He wasn't really paying attention, instead he was wondering who was desperate enough to steal his stuff. 

Megan picked the note up off the bed. "Then, I think this is yours." She recognized Jim's distinctive handwriting on the note, addressing it to //My Blair.// 

Blair accepted the note from her, and looked at the handwriting. _Jim._

"I, uh, think I'm going to wait outside, Sandy," Megan said, heading towards the door. "Give a shout when you're ready." 

Blair nodded his thanks as he sat down on the bed. The note was written on paper ripped out of one of his own notebooks. //My Blair. I have wronged you. Let me make it up to you. Please come home. // Blair looked at the bottom, and the key he'd left at the loft was taped to the bottom of the page. 

Blair pulled the key off the page and slipped it carefully into his pocket, and folded the note into his jacket pocket as he sat down on the corner of the bed. _Dear God, Jim... do you mean it? Or did you leave it before you met Alex? Did you take my stuff back to the loft?_

Making a decision, he got up and went to the door, locking it behind him. He didn't turn the key in yet; he wasn't sure if he'd be coming back or not, but he needed to make sure he had a place to stay. He waved Megan down, who walked over from her car. "Let me walk over to the desk, and then we're going to Jim's." 

"All right, mate... I'll be waiting out front for you." Megan put on her sunglasses, and wondered just what in the hell Ellison had said to Sandy that made him want to go back. 

"What do you mean, I don't owe you anything?" 

The man behind the desk shrugged. "Some guy came in earlier this afternoon and paid up what you owed plus through the end of the month. Said you might or might not be back. Left this for you." He dug around under the counter and then pulled out an envelope. 

"Uh, thanks. I'll be back later to settle up everything." 

"Suit yourself," the guy said. 

Blair opened the envelope as he leaned against the door. There was a huge wad of money in the envelope, along with another note. //This is for your plane ticket to Sierra Verde. I know it didn't come cheap, and having you there by my side made the difference between me coming out of that Temple with my soul intact or losing it altogether like Alex did. I didn't ask you to come with me; I couldn't. But if I could have... I would have.// Blair threw the envelope away, and folded the wad of money and the note into his pocket alongside the key and the other note, walking out the door. "Let's go," he said to Megan as he got into the passenger side of her car. 

"Where are we going, Sandy?" 

"To my office; I have some work I need to do." 

"I thought--never mind what I thought." The redhead put the car in gear and drove Blair to Rainier. On the way, she tried to talk. "Are you sure you're ready to go back there?" 

"It's not like I can avoid it forever," Blair said smoothly. _Like I can the loft._

"Well, at least let me come in with you. Get you settled in and going again." 

"Megan, I'm going to be fine!" 

"Sandy... not to be blunt about it but you just died there not a week ago," Megan pointed out. "I don't think it's good for you to be going alone." 

"Fine, you can come in with me, but I have to work alone." 

"Sentinel research?" 

Blair couldn't answer that; he just nodded. "I have to know what happened down there." 

Megan pulled up in front of his building. "Just watch out for yourself, Sandy, please. And call me if you need company." 

"I will, thanks." He got out of Megan's car, closing his eyes as he walked past the fountain. He couldn't stand the sight of it, but he knew he'd have to get used to it. 

* * *

Sitting down in his office chair, behind his desk, Blair dropped his head into his hands. Alex... Alex had kidnapped him from here, dragged him out to the fountain... held him under the water until he'd stopped breathing... his last thought had been of Jim. And he couldn't admit that to the Sentinel. Not after the way Jim had treated him before. 

Then he drew the notes out of his pocket. //My Blair. I have wronged you. Let me make it up to you. Please come home. // //This is for your plane ticket to Sierra Verde. I know it didn't come cheap, and having you there by my side made the difference between me coming out of that Temple with my soul intact or losing it altogether like Alex did. I didn't ask you to come with me; I couldn't. But if I could have... I would have.// 

_Not this time, Jim... this time you have to come to me and ask me. I can't always run to you; not when you pushed me away._ He carefully folded the notes back up and slipped them into his pocket, fingering the money and the key. _You can't buy me off, Jim... you can't buy out the heartache._

* * *

Jim had just hung the last mask in Blair's bedroom and made the bed up with the blankets when he cocked his head. Simon's phone was ringing in the living room. His senses were more acute since his time in the grotto, and heard Megan's voice on the other end of the phone. 

"Banks." 

"Captain, it's me. I just wanted to let you know, I took Sandy by the motel and all his things were gone. I think Jim picked them up, because he left a couple of letters for him." 

"Yeah, he did... he knows he fucked up and he's got the kid's room set back up again... I've never seen Jim like this before. Contrite, respectful... makes me want to kick his ass even more for the way he treated Blair." 

"Well, I just dropped Sandy off at his school and he seemed quite upset, but he wanted to go in alone." 

"You sure that was a good idea, Conner?" 

"Well, it's not like he was giving me much of a choice, sir. It was either let him go in alone or go in with him and be escorted out by security a few minutes later... he told me I could walk him in but I couldn't stay. He's doing research on Jim... he says he had to know what happened down there." 

"Oh, I could tell him in about ten words... Jim acted like a jackass and fucked up big time." 

There was a brief pause as Megan counted the words. "Ten words exactly sir." 

"That's why I'm the captain. Look, I'll keep Ellison busy here, you keep an eye on Sandburg." 

"You got it, sir." Megan hung up the phone and Simon did the same, and Jim tried to busy himself straightening some of Blair's things as Simon came into the room. 

"That was Conner, Jim, she got Blair safely dropped off." _Let him stew about whether or not Blair's coming back._

"That's great, sir." Jim noticed immediately that Simon didn't tell him where. _So he's going to jerk me around... not like I don't deserve it._

"Yeah, it is. He needs the rest. All this stress and worry can't be good for him, not after he just died." 

"Like I really need to be reminded of that, Sir." 

"Ooh... starting to feel a nagging conscience there, Jim? You sound a bit... testy." Simon couldn't keep the smile off his face. 

"Me, sir? Not at all, just waiting for Blair to come home, that's all." Simon pushed Jim back against the bed, and the surprised Sentinel fell backwards onto it. _Blair's bed._ "Simon!" 

"You listen to me, Jim Ellison, and you listen good. Blair Sandburg isn't some little toy for your amusement. He's your best friend, and if you can't treat him like he deserves to be treated, that kid's going to walk out on your ass and leave you hanging." _Yeah right,_ Simon thought, but he plowed ahead. "You get all controlling on him like this again, and he's going to balk. You can't put reins on that kid and expect him not to fight it AND you every step of the way! Now, I care about that kid, Jim, and if I have to come over here again and have this talk with you, your ass is going to be mine! You can't pull your Sentinel gig without him, and quite frankly, without him you're a loose cannon, and I don't want a loose cannon in my department, are we clear on that, Detective?" 

"Crystal, sir." Jim was inwardly fuming, but Simon was right, every word was right. 

"Good. Now if you can keep in mind that Blair's a real person and not some little puppet for you to play, I might consider telling you where Megan dropped him off at." 

"Rainier," Jim said shortly. 

Simon's face fell, and Jim pointed to his ears, smirking. "Are you going or not?" 

"As soon as you get out, sir." 

"Don't make me have to come back over here, Jim," Simon warned. 

"I won't, sir. You have my word on that. Whatever it takes, I won't hurt him again." 

"Glad to hear it." Simon walked out the door. 

* * *

As soon as Simon left, Jim grabbed his wallet and his keys. He left the rest of the boxes in the living room and shot down the stairs and out to the parking lot. He got behind the wheel of his truck, and rested his head against the steering wheel for a few moments. "Get a grip on yourself, Ellison." His entire system was revolting at the thought of returning to Hargrove Hall and the fountain where he'd fished Blair out. But he had to go. 

* * *

Jim's truck pulled up beside the fountain, and the Sentinel got out. The water was still flowing, crystal clear and cold. Sitting beside it, Jim forced himself to put his hand in the water. He closed his eyes, and in the darkness he could see Blair's lifeless body being pulled out, feel the iciness of his partner's skin, hear the frightening silence of his heart. _Please don't ever leave me like that again, Blair,_ he prayed silently, his fingers drifting in the fountain. The sight of Blair's wolf turning back to run towards his jaguar was the second most beautiful sight he'd ever seen. 

Megan had been sitting on a small bench on the quad, across the green from Blair's office. But when she saw Jim pulling in, she launched herself up off the bench and stalked over to him. "What in the bloody hell do you think you're doing here?" 

Jim rolled his eyes. "Can it, Conner, I'm really not in the mood for this right now." 

"Well, too bad, Ellison, because guess what... I am! Now get your ass up before I dunk you in that fountain." She cringed as she thought. "Sorry about that, Jim." 

Jim closed his eyes. "Don't be, it should have been me." 

"You're damn right that it should have been! What the hell was going on in your mind for you to be with Alex Barnes after what she did to Sandy?" 

"I honestly don't know, I just know it was wrong." 

"You're damn right you are. What do you think gives you the right to treat Blair the way you have? And don't you dare tell me that it's some kind of Sentinel thing because if it were, Sandy wouldn't be sitting up in that office hurting because of you!" 

Jim sighed deeply. "Look, Conner, I got this from Simon already, and I really don't need it from you. Why don't you slap me or whatever you're going to do and get it over with so I can go and talk to Blair in peace?" 

Megan did exactly that; her hand exploded against the side of Jim's face. "Bastard," she hissed at him. "What makes you think that I'm going to let you go in there?" Then her cell phone rang. 

* * *

Blair looked out the window, seeing Jim's truck by the fountain and the Sentinel sitting beside it. He almost left his office, but paused by the door. _He came this far, surely... No. I can't. I can't go to him. He has to come to me this time. He made that choice, not me._

He sat back down in his chair, waiting for Jim. His hand slipped into his pocket, pulling out the key to the loft and the key to the motel, and laid them both on the desk, staring at them. 

Going back to the window, he caught the flash of sun off Megan's watch as she gestured, and he almost bolted out of his office when she slapped Jim, snapping his head to the side. Grabbing his telephone, he quickly dialed Megan's number. As soon as she answered, he started. "Megan, that's enough. Let it go." 

"But--" 

"No buts, Megan. Let it go." 

"Sandy--" 

"Let it go," Blair repeated. He saw Jim's head turn to look at the window, and he quickly stepped out of the line of Jim's sight. 

"All right, I'll let it go," she finally said, hanging up as Blair did. "Well there you are, Ellison. He wants me to let it go, but you know something, I can't. I'm going to have my eye on you, Jim, and if you hurt Sandy again, I'll make sure it's more than a slap you get." She turned on her heel, stalking back off to her bench. 

"Conner!" 

"What?" she shouted, whirling on Jim again. 

"Thank you." 

"Ellison, don't start with me." 

"I mean it, Conner. Thank you for caring about him enough to stand up for him and protect him. Even from me." 

"You do fine protecting him from everyone else, Jim. It's protecting him from yourself that you need help with," was Megan's parting shot. Jim sighed, and sat back down beside the fountain, trying to pull himself together. His face was still throbbing from Megan's slap. 

Blair watched as Jim sat back down beside the fountain, and then sat back down at his desk to resume waiting. 

* * *

Jim didn't know how long he'd been sitting out by the fountain, but he pulled his hand out of the water and dried it on the leg of his Dockers. _Go to him, Jim... don't be an arrogant ass any more... don't risk losing more than you already have._ He pushed himself to his feet, and headed into the building, his feet taking him unerringly to Blair's office door. He raised his hand, and knocked on the wood paneling. "Blair?" 

"Come in, it's open." Blair's voice could barely be heard, but then, he knew he didn't have to speak loudly. Jim would have heard him if he'd whispered. 

Jim opened the door, and stepped inside Blair's office, closing the door behind him and leaning against it. "Blair." 

"What do you want?" Blair winced inwardly; he hadn't meant for his tone to be so sharp. But seeing the Sentinel flinch brought him a small stab of bittersweet revenge. _That's for all the times you made me flinch, Jim._

"I want you to come home with me, Chief." 

"You went to the motel. You took my things. You moved them back into the loft, didn't you?" Jim nodded miserably. "You didn't even bother consulting me, just took my things and left me a note, expecting me to come running after you like some little puppy dog." 

"I just wanted you to come home, Blair," Jim said quietly. "I thought... I thought that if I got your stuff and moved you back in, you'd see... I want you there." 

"What about what I want, Jim?" 

"What do you want, Blair?" 

"Isn't it a little late to be asking me that?" countered the Guide softly. "You've made the decision for me, just like you always do." 

"Do you want me to beg, Chief? I will. I will grovel. Plead, if that's what it takes." 

"I don't want that, Jim." 

"Then what do you want?" 

Blair sighed. "If I have to tell you what I want, then there's no use in continuing this conversation." He picked up the loft key and gave it back to Jim. "If you'll pack my things back up, I'll pick them up tomorrow." 

"Blair, I'm sorry," Jim said softly, looking at the key in his hand. "I thought you'd need to see how much I wanted you home. I'm sorry; I thought that if I just asked you first, you wouldn't come." 

Blair reached around Jim then, and took the key out of his hand, and put the motel key in it instead. "Now you understand how I felt; you said what I needed to hear. Take me home, Jim." 

* * *

Outside in the parking lot, Jim watched as Blair got into the passenger side of the truck, and then he got into the driver's side. "We'll take the key back and then go home." 

Blair simply nodded silently as Jim started the truck. Flooring the pedal, Jim peeled rubber as he flew to the motel and turned in Blair's key, and came back with the rest of the rent, and passed it over to Blair. Blair refused it, and then pulled out the stack of cash that Jim had left for him earlier. "I don't want your money, Jim," he said softly. "You can't buy out what your words did. And you can't buy back what you did." 

Jim flinched again, and Blair felt the bittersweet pang again. _Keeping score, Sandburg? Isn't that rather petty? Maybe... but he deserves it this time._

"Blair...I'm not trying to buy you off," he answered. "And I'm not trying to buy off what I did. I should have been with you, Blair, and I should have bought that ticket for you. You never should have had to pay this motel rent; I never should have kicked you out in the first place. I can't make the emotional part right yet, but I can make this side of it right again." 

"Jim, it's not about the money. You're trying to control me again, make me forgive you even if I'm not ready to do it yet." He folded the money and put it on the dashboard of the truck. "I won't take it. I don't want it." 

"Please, Blair... I need to do this. I need... I need to try and set things right with you." 

"This isn't the way to do it, Jim. Throwing money at me isn't the way. You had the right way in my office before. Talking to me. Treating me like a person and not a perp. Tell me how you feel, don't try and avoid it." 

"I feel like I can't ever make right what I did to you, Blair. I shouldn't have kicked you out; I shouldn't have made you responsible for something that was going on inside me, and I shouldn't have turned my back on you when you didn't have an easy answer for me. But even through all of that, you were by my side and I still treated you like shit. You knew when you spent that money to come down to Sierra Verde that I could have told you to get the fuck out of my life and yet you took that chance for me. I know how hard you work to earn that money, Chief, and you risked that for me. You shouldn't have had to, and I want you to have what's yours." 

Blair didn't tell Jim that Conner had gotten their tickets for nothing through the PD as part of the investigative team. "I will let you pay me back the motel rent, but not the plane ticket. The plane ticket was my choice to make." He peeled off the amount he'd put up for the room, and put the rest back in Jim's pocket. The truck rolled to a stop in the loft parking lot, and Jim got out, looking at Blair. "Go on, I'll be up in a minute." 

The Sentinel silently walked into the building, and up the steps to the loft. He unlocked the door, and left it ajar for Blair. He sat down on the couch, and then jumped back up and paced over to the balcony, looking down at his parked truck. He watched as Blair got out of the truck, and turned around to look over the skyline, and then back around as he headed into the building. 

He stayed on the balcony, listening as Blair came up the elevator, and Jim leaned against the doorframe leading into the living room. He watched silently as Blair pushed the door to the loft fully open, and looked around, his eyes meeting Jim's briefly on their sweep before continuing on. Jim had to fight the urge to reach out and pull Blair into his arms. 

"Come in," Jim implored, moving out of the doorway. 

"I'm not sure if I should." 

"Please. Come in." 

Blair relented, and walked through the door. _After all that's happened... it still feels like home._ He was startled; boxes were everywhere, the furniture was here but still slightly disarrayed. A breeze flapped the curtain that led to his room-- _No, that's Jim's spare room,_ he reminded himself, and he couldn't help but look. His things were back in the room. Just as he'd had them before. Yeah, it was neater, but all the stuff was there. Several other boxes sat on the floor. As he stared into his room, Jim moved in from the balcony to stand behind him. 

"Those are your clothes," Jim said, over his shoulder. "I didn't hang them up in the closet because I didn't know what you hung up and what you kept in the dresser." 

Blair pulled the curtain down but didn't turn around to look at Jim. "You took my stuff out of the motel and set it up here again. Why?" 

"Because... I made the biggest mistake of my life when I threw you out. It all started when I read your dissertation; I don't know why I did, I just had to know what you were saying about me. That started it, and I over reacted... then Alex came and my instincts and everything else was just so out of whack... I thought... I thought that maybe if I got rid of you, the senses and everything else would go with it and my life would just calm down, but instead... it got worse and worse and God... my God, Blair, finding you in the.... You were... I couldn't stand it. Incacha told me how to bring you back, and once you did come back, you... I don't know how you did it but you forgave me for fucking up before, even asked me to come with you. I couldn't come with you then, but it didn't stop. I kept on fucking up all the way to Sierra Verde and beyond; when you found me on the beach it was almost like I couldn't stop myself from what I was doing. I had to do it, Chief. And it's the same now. I have to do this. Only now, I know what's driving me, and it's my heart." He moved to stand even closer to Blair, their bodies almost touching, Jim's chin almost resting on the top of Blair's head as the Guide stared into his bedroom. The Sentinel's hands came up to rest on Blair's shoulders. "Please come home, Chief... I need you. And I'm not talking just about the Sentinel thing... I'm talking about the Jim thing. I need you to make me work." 

Blair turned in Jim's arms, and then took a half step back, putting a small amount of space between him and Jim. He knew what Jim was asking, but he had to hear it, flat out, from the Sentinel himself. _No more taking chances, not after this._ He would trust Jim again one day, but it would be slow in coming. "Jim, what are you saying? Are you saying that you want me to move back in?" He didn't want to put the space between himself and the Sentinel, but he had to think, had to let his mind start to process what Jim had just said. //I know what's driving me, and it's my heart. And I'm not talking just about the Sentinel thing... I'm talking about the Jim thing. I need you to make me work.// 

"Yes, I am asking you to. I am begging you to. I want you to, I need you to." He put his hands on Blair's shoulders again, letting the shaking in them show. "Feel that? That's been me without you... that's been me alone. I know I told you some of this in your office, but here... here is where we belong, together, and I can say anything to you here." 

Blair brought his hands up to steady Jim's trembling ones. "Then say it, Jim," he commanded softly. If he was going to make the commitment to Jim, he had to know the Sentinel felt the same way. 

"Blair..." Jim couldn't help but think. _What if you turn away, Blair... what if you give me that key back and tell me to go to hell? I have hurt you so many times..._ His thoughts were interrupted by Blair's hand touching his face. 

Blair reached up and turned Jim's face back towards his, seeing the fear in his partner's eyes. "What are you afraid of?" 

_My spirit guide asked me the same thing._ "That I've lost my chance with you, that I've hurt you too many times for you to love me." Jim's voice was barely above a whisper. "That I will lose you, drive you away and I will be alone... without you." 

"You haven't lost me, Jim," Blair reassured him. "There isn't anything to be afraid of. I won't let anything hurt you." He looked deeply into Jim's eyes. "Say it." _Say it, Jim... say it and help me trust you again._

Jim raised his hands to hold Blair's face as he met his Guide's blue eyes. "I love you, Blair. You're the missing part inside of me. Please come home, Blair... come home, love me, make me whole again." 

Blair smiled brightly, lighting up Jim's heart. "All right. But only on one condition." 

"What?" Jim asked, his thumb rubbing Blair's cheek lightly. 

"That you do the same things for me... love me and make me whole." Blair's breath was cut off as Jim's arms engulfed him then. "Jim... easy... air," he reminded the big man gently. 

"Do you, Blair?" asked Jim softly, unable to believe that his friend was with him. 

"I do, Jim... I always have." His arms found their way around Jim, meeting around his waist and his cheek resting against Jim's chest. 

"Will you say it?" he questioned again, his voice trembling and needy. 

"I love you, Jim Ellison." His fingers slid up Jim's back and ran through his hair. "I want to come home." Actually, he was already at home. In Jim's arms was the only place he ever wanted to be. 

The End 

* * *

End Where I Belong by Kel: dragonbane4@aol.com

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